We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
