when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
