i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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