i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
