Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
