The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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