he wants to bone in the snuggie
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
