my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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