I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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