My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
