It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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