He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
