We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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