She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
