I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
