i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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