i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
