i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
