I think I am morally bankrupt
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
NoShamevember. You game?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
