and i looked up. we had an audience...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
