im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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