do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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