woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
