I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
