and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
