my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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