Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
