Sacagawea was the original milf.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You need Xanax blowdarts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
