I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
