Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
