You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
