this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
