The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize