I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"