can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
