I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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