The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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