now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize