Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
