i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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