The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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