apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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