Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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