We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
