I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
