Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
