I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
