in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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