it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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