I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
