who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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