chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
