Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
