i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
