we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
