We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
