I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
