She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
