I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she peed on how many people?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
