Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
