we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
