I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
