I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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