Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
